also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize