I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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