Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
