sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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