Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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