My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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