I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
