We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize