Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
