So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
