I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
