Hey man sorry I got all grabby
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize