I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
