Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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