Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
