I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
