Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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