I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
