It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
