Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
