First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
