you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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