I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
