He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
