Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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