RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
