She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
