Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
