I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
