i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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