It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
