I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
