Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
