i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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