Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
