the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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