I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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