How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And then my night got REAL pukey
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
