This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
