At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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