So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
