there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
