Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
