Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
