This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
