I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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