wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
