so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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