If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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