How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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