Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
