Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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