Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize