My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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