I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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