That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
