One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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