I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
