When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
