Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
