Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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