TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
