I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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