i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
