guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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