I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
