Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's shark week go big or go home
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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