The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
