what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize