im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
