i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
