and my herpes radar will keep us safe
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
